Maybe this is off-topic, but it is hard to believe that you can spend many hundreds of dollars on an airline ticket and not be served a bag of pretzels or peanuts.. Seriously…not one measly peanut. @###$!?

Would it break the bank to give you a bag of nuts? How about I split a cashew with the guy in seat 2C? Is it possible that if we picked up some trash, or washed windows, we might earn an animal cracker, or an unsalted pretzel? Maybe we could pass a bunch of grapes through the cabin, and just have one each like they do at the Ashram that the guy in front of me probably spent the 70’s in?

At this point I’d settle for kale, or even fruitcake.

I saw a gal bring a bag of fries on board. She’ll probably be mugged before we cross the Mason-Dixon Line. Nobody with a bag of fries is making it off this peanut-less flight alive unless they share. Her kid has a Happy Meal. I think he’s also going down hard unless his McNuggets are parceled out… fast.

Perhaps a distraction staged with the Ronald McDonald pickle flute could save him, but only if the flight attendant blocks the guy in 31C with the *empty* cart, ‘cause that guy looks like he snarfs down at least two roast chickens for dinner. And by the look in his eye, he’s already snorted out the scent of fries in the air. A guy that big is not falling for the ol’ pickle flute gambit… he’s been around the block a few times for sure.

Trouble is brewing. Now I know how the pioneers felt up there on Donner Pass in 1846. At this point, no sleep, no bathroom, no resting both eyes at the same time, ‘cause the older chap in 6A moves like a cat; I am watching him closely. Right now all I can think about is a nice juicy hamburger. And rings. Let me tell you, if someone had onion rings on this plane they’d be a dead man. Nobody would even dream of turning four of the rings into wheels by fastening them to a baked potato with toothpicks. No way – too precious to make an onion-wheeled potato wagon on this flight.

If I worked for a major airline, I think I would let the flight attendants pack iron on 2 hour+ flights. Let’s face it, it’s probably cheaper to buy each crew member a taser pen or stun gun than it is to buy each passenger a bag of peanuts. With a $50 rechargeable taser per flight attendant, the airlines would be way ahead of the peanut treadmill that they have been on for years. Makes you wonder what the old airline bosses were thinking when they were having stewardesses serving prime rib and baked potatoes in First Class off the slicing trolley, doesn’t it?

I’ll tell you what they were thinking. They were thinking, “What would customers like?” and “Oil is over $14 a barrel now, we better start replacing the prime rib with kale, potato and bacon soup.” That is what they were thinking.

So the moral of the story is this: There is probably a happy medium for all companies thinking about cutting back on customer service to save money. At Pillar we have been adding people to improve the “Customer Experience”, which from my own personal experience in life has to be a good thing. For those contemplating arming flight attendants with stun guns to avoid giving well-paying customers even a measly bag of peanuts, think again.